1. louis vuitton waffle maker i don’t need to explain to you how baller this is, right?
2. penguin seltzer maker you can make seltzer AT ANY TIME. your life sucks without this.
3. kanye’s pug calendar there’s a calendar in which each month features a picture of a shirtless kanye west and cute ass pugs. yes.
4. seinfeld death row records tee “for all to envy” makes killer clothing, and this recreation of the death row records photo featuring seinfeld cast members is ridiculously awesome and actually gave me an erection, which i guess is kind of weird.
5. party supplies album sweet tunes, brahhhhhhh. seriously. better than whatever you’re currently listening to.
6. waiting to exhale tee t-shirt from the 1995 romantic comedy that changed my life. the story centers on four female friends living in the phoenix area and their relationships with men and one another. all of them are “holding their breath” until the day they can feel comfortable in a committed relationship with a man.
7. matching pendleton coats for you and your dog me and my king charles cavalier spaniel always wear matching coats. get on our level.
8. “bobby waltzer for 212 silk scarf” it has a pharaoh, climaxing porn stars, muammar gadafi, horses, leopards… you need this in your life/ around your neck.
9. a vending machine that sells dirty women’s underpants used to be very popular in japan, now are illegal. not sure where to buy one…contact me if you find out. ebay maybe??
10. a framed photo of the fat jew in a merlot colored turtleneck i have hundreds of these framed photos. whenever i go to someone’s house i leave one with their other framed photos and wait to see how long it will take to notice. left one on adrian grenier’s piano, still haven’t heard from him about it. this move is know as the “brian grazer”. want one for your home/ office/ boat/ whatever? email me.
11. baron von fancy prints they will tie any room together…4 REALZ
12. cardboard cutout of me yes, a life size fat jew cutout. your life will be complete.